when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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