He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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