Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
