I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
