apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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