So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
