So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
