My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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