what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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