is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What a dumb baby whore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
