i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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