i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Even my vagina gasped.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
