question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize