cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
