Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
