he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
