it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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