Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
