Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
