and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
