it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
