I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
