so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
