too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
