Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
