Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
