I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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