We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
