Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
