one two three fourrrrnication!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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