god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
