yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
