I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
