So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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