We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
