I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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