Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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