can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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