thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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