Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
