Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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