I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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