New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
