Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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