peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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