pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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