Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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