i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
