Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
