Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
