Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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