Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
