Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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