i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
