This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
