i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
