Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
