I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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