I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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