talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
sarcasm needs its own font
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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