i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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