I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
wanna go halves on a baby?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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