3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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