It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
