Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
