There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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