Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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