I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
