I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
